


12 things that under no circumstances can ever ever happen

by Mczero



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Confessions, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Richie Tozier Has ADHD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 05:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20886716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mczero/pseuds/Mczero
Summary: 1. I cannot stare at the other boys while they play baseball after school.2. I cannot blush when my best friend leans close to me.3. I will not let Richie grab my hand and lead me into the woods.4. I will not let Richie curl a finger around a strand of my hair and smile at me.5. I cannot kiss my best friend on the cheek and then run home and think about it all night.6. Richie and I cannot sit silently next to each other arms around each other until we fall asleep.7. I will not accept an invitation to the movies with just Richie and hold his hand the whole time.8. I will not let Richie kiss me on the mouth and I will not kiss him back.9. I will not get caught making out with my best friend in the clubhouse.10. I will not get into a “lover’s quarrel” with Richie.11. I will not let my best friend wipe my tears away and press a kiss to my lips.12. I cannot tell my best friend that I love him.





	12 things that under no circumstances can ever ever happen

1\. I cannot stare at the other boys while they play baseball after school. 

Eddie sat and watched the others play a game of baseball behind tracker brothers, Bev was pitching and she had one hell of an arm the boys missed more pitches then they hit. Rich was up to bat, he wiggled his eyebrows at Beverly and called out in his announcers voice   
“Richie Tozier, steps up to the plate, with a .400 batting average, this stud can hit a fly with his eyes closed.” Bev pitched and Richie flat out missed the ball, Eddie whooped “nice one, trashmouth, maybe next time you’ll pick up the bat,” he called to him. “thanks Eds, always my little cheerleader” Richie turned to him and smiled, Bev pitched again but this time Richie hit it. He threw the bat and ran towards the base, he made it a few seconds before Mike would have got him out. Richie turned and smiled at Eddie and he stopped for a moment and just looked at Richie, he pumped his fist in the air and hooted while Bill moved up to the plate and Eddie watched Richie covered in sweat and yelling jokes and insults at Bill even though they were on the same team. The game continued, the others played and Eddie sat on the grass and watched Richie Tozier run and laugh and smile. 

2\. I cannot blush when my best friend leans close to me.

It was damn hot out that day and so after class the losers went down to the quarry for a swim. Stan, Ben, and Bev where up on the rocks lounging and reading some book for their english class. Mike, Bill, Richie and Eddie were still down in the water, splashing around and swimming. Richie dived under the water and popped back up, right next to Eddie.   
“A little close there Rich, any closer and you’ll knock Eddie on his ass,” Mike called laughing   
“Well Mike, I- I- it’s hard for him to see without his D- D- D- double thick coke bottle lenses,” Bill said laughing, Rich squinted at Bill  
“Big Bill if I could see you right now I would go over there and whoop your ass, you too Mikey,” he called “Eds, can you help me over to the rocks, I’ve had enough of these babies” Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and a chill ran up his back. For a moment, Eddie froze, his face was cherry red, then he let his body go limp and both boys fell into the cool water. When they popped back up, Richie gave Eddie a look of faux betrayal   
“Eddie spaghetti, my closest and smallest friend, how could you do this to poor blind little ol me” he batted his eyelashes   
“Fuck off trashmouth, maybe if you would just get contact lenses, I wouldn’t have to chauffeur you around” Eddie shot back   
“contacts are for deviants who enjoy touching their eyeballs and I can’t condone that Eds, now take me up to the rocks” Eddie splashed him with water  
“Not if you keep calling me Eds” nevertheless Eddie took Richie’s hand and helped him climb up to the ledge where the others were relaxing. Eddie grabbed Richie’s glasses out of his fanny pack and handed them to him.   
“You know, you can’t just leave these on the ground, someone’s going to step on them,” Richie put on the glasses, flipped Eddie off, and then rummaged in his bag for his comics, Eddie made himself comfortable against the warm rocks. Richie plopped down next to him   
“Do you want to read Captain America or Avengers first?” he asked. They spent the rest of the afternoon in the sun, stretched out reading comics. 

3\. I will not let Richie grab my hand and lead me into the woods.

It was the 4th of july, they had all finished their junior year 2 weeks earlier and to celebrate Bev and Richie had got a whole bunch of fireworks. Eddie didn’t ask how they got them because no one in Derry would sell fireworks to them anymore. It was Eddie’s suggestion that they wait for the 4th so they wouldn’t get caught. They were all down in the barrens, Ben was in charge of setting the fireworks off. Bev and Mike were curled up in a blanket against a big oak tree, Bill, Stan and Ben, when he wasn’t lighting fireworks, were on a quilt in the grass by the bonfire. Richie and Eddie stood a little ways away, Richie was smoking and lighting up cherry bombs and tossing them at the others. Eddie was standing by him occasionally taking a drag and drinking a coke, it was getting late, Richie threw a cherry bomb in the direction of Bev and Mike, and Eddie noticed that they were asleep.   
“Hey Eds, I got something cool, come over here with me,” Richie said, he put the cigarette between his teeth and grabbed Eddie’s wrist, pulling him towards the woods   
“what the hell Richie?” Eddie said but he let himself be led. They walked a ways into the tree,   
“where are you taking me?” Eddie asked   
“it’s too bright out by the fire,” Richie smiled, Eddie heard a cracking sound and Richie took a handful of glow sticks out of his jacket pocket. He made a couple of bracelets and handed them to Eddie, then slipped some onto his own wrists. Richie waved his arms in the air and smiled, he wiggled his body around and raised his eyebrows   
“come on spaghetti man, let’s dance, it’s summer, we’re free, let’s cut a rug,” he said “don’t call me that, Richie, You know I hate it,” Eddie started to sway gently following Richie’s rhythm,   
“I know you love it you mean,” Richie grabbed Eddies hands and swung his arms back and forth, “Spaghetti man, spaghetti man, Eddie, Eddie, Spaghetti man,” he chanted. Eddie’s face broke open into a huge grin   
“Don’t call me that trashmouth, I fucking hate it,” Eddie laughed as he spoke. They danced around in the woods for a while, after some time they heard Bill call for them. Mike drove Eddie, Richie, and Bev home in his truck. Eddie climbed into his room, and lay down on his back, he could still smell the smoke and gunpowder on his clothes. He fiddled with the glow bracelet on his wrist and smiled. 

4\. I will not let Richie curl a finger around a strand of my hair and smile at me.

Eddie was over at Richie’s, reading comics and smoking weed. Eddie wasn’t the biggest fan of marijuna but Rich said that it made everything a little funnier and a little bit cooler and he thought that sounded nice. Really though it just made him feel a little more fuzzy and tired, he didn’t get the appeal. Richie leaned over to him,   
“Hey, Eds, look at this it looks like Superman's got a fucking crab claw, I could draw a better hand,” he laughed, Richie shifted closer so eddie could get a better look at the abomination.   
Eddie chuckled “How did that even make it into production,” he said, Richie rolled off the bed and onto the floor, he popped back up.  
“Wanna listen to some music, I’m cagey right now, I need to move around a bit” Richie didn’t wait for Eddie to answer, he moved over to his cassette deck and after a few seconds, Kurt Cobain's voice began to play. Richie’s aunt had gotten the new nirvana album for him for christmas the year prior and he had been listening to it almost on repeat since. Richie swayed rhythmically to “come as you are” which was Eddie’s favorite of the album. He turned to Eddie and reached his hands out, beckoning him to dance. Eddie wiggled off the bed and stood in front of Richie.   
“Come on, Eds,” Richie smiled and grabbed Eddie’s arms. The two boys moved to the music together, Richie bobbing his head and moving his shoulders to the beat and Eddie just letting himself be led around vaguely nodding along. Suddenly Richie stopped dancing and looked at Eddie. He reached out his hand and took a loose piece of Eddie’s hair between his fingers, every inch of Eddie’s flesh bumped up with goosebumps.  
“I’ve never seen your hair this long before,” Richie twisted the strand around his finger  
“Yeah, I haven’t had the time to get it cut lately” Eddie’s voice was nearly a whisper and he tried to keep it normal.   
“I like it, like this,” Richie said looking Eddie directly in the eyes. Eddie stared back, Richie had a soft grin on his face, well shit, Eddie thought to himself. 

5\. I cannot kiss my best friend on the cheek and then run home and think about it all night.

The losers had gone out for ice cream, it was late and Richie and Eddie were walking home together, drinking sodas and laughing. Richie reached out and grabbed for Eddie’s drink,   
“Hey, you don’t even like black cherry,” Eddie squeaked, Richie leaned forward and took a sip. He made a face,  
“How do you drink this all the time, it’s like drinking straight syrup,” he said  
“If you don’t like it, then stop drinking it,” Eddie took a drink from Richie’s lime soda  
“Hey!” Richie laughed  
“Taxes Rich, you gotta pay your taxes”   
“No, I don’t, I’d rather go to jail,” the two boys laughed, it wasn’t really funny but the energy between them made them giggly. Richie threw an arm around Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie thought of the two men they had seen walking down the street in the fall, they had been holding hands and a group of guys in a car had thrown a half full bottle of beer at them, it hit one of the men on the head and he started bleeding. Eddie tried to pull away casually not letting Richie see what he was thinking. The pleasant aura faded until they got to the spot where their paths split.  
“See you, Eds,” Richie gave him a soft smile, his face looked sad and Eddie knew that Richie knew what he had been thinking. Before Eddie realized what he was doing, he pressed a gentle kiss to Richie’s cheek,   
“Yeah, see ya,” Eddie walked away then he started moving faster and faster until he was in a full run. He slid his window open and climbed inside, he sat down at his desk and ran his hands through his hair. He brushed a finger across his lips, it was almost as if he could still feel Richie soft skin against them. Eddie changed into his pajamas and got into bed and tried to go to sleep. His mind kept returning to Richie though, the look on his face, the white light of the streetlamps shining on his hair and glinting off his glasses, his tall sharp frame. Eddie shook his head, he wasn’t going to think about Richie anymore. He closed his eyes and there again were thoughts of Richie Trashmouth Tozier. 

6.Richie and I cannot sit silently next to each other arms around each other until we fall asleep.

Nearly everyone in town knew that Eddie had a terrible fear of germs and filth. Eddie was on his way to the library to meet up with Mike and Ben, even though Eddie was 17 he still got picked on. It had been raining and when Eddie was almost inside, one of the boys who had graduated that year, straight armed him into a puddle. He got up quickly and ran into the library, he could taste the muddy water, he thought of all the diseases the can live in standing water.   
“Hey, Eddie,” Mike said smiling until he saw Eddie’s wet clothes and the look of panic in his eyes, Mike’s face dropped “oh, oh no what happened?” he asked. Eddie Kept moving, back into the stacks, turning corners, and doubling back. He didn’t want to talk to Mike or Ben, he knew that they wouldn’t understand his panic at getting a little mud in his mouth. Flashes of rotting gums, weeping sores, and necrotic flesh ran through his head. Eddie abruptly sat down with his back against a shelf, knees pressed against his chest, head resting on his palms.   
“Eddie?” the voice was soft, a softer tone than Richie usually used  
“What are you doing here Rich?” Eddie asked without lifting his head  
“Ben invited me,” Richie replied, he sat down next to Eddie   
“Yeah?” Eddie said  
“Yeah,” Richie said “what happened Eds?” he asked, Eddie turned his head to look at Richie, he was looking down at Eddie and his dark curls fell into his face.  
“Did you know that, typhoid fever, cholera, and hepatitis A are all water borne diseases” Eddie said   
“What,” Richie said  
“Some guy pushed me into a puddle, the water got into my mouth,”   
“Eddie it’s 1992 and we live in Maine, You’re not gonna get cholera”  
“I know Rich, I know that, but I can’t stop thinking about it” there was fear in Eddie’s voice. Richie leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Eddie, Eddie froze for a moment then returned the embrace.   
“You’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine,” Richie repeated, gently rocking them back and forth. Eddie started to calm down, but he didn’t let go and neither did Richie. They just sat there on the floor of the library, holding onto each other, it was so quiet that they drifted off for a while. 

7.I will not accept an invitation to the movies with just Richie and hold his hand the whole time.

Eddie and Richie headed down to the Aladdin to see the midnight showing of the third Alien movie. Eddie had been sneaking out a lot more this summer, but it wasn’t his fault his mother’s curfew of 9:00 was just too early to have any fun. They walked into the theatre, it smelled like sugar and fat and salt, it was one of Eddie’s favorite smells. A group of girls, including Greta Bowie who had been suspended that year for trying to push Beverly down a flight of stairs in the school, stood in front of them in line. Greta said something to one of the other girls and then they made little kissy faces at Richie and Eddie, Eddie’s face went red.  
“Hey Bowie, how was you’re little sabbatical last April, did it learn you not to fuck with, Beverly “the badass” Marsh or are you going for an attempted murder charge next time” Richie called at them, the girls scoffed and turned away, Eddie smiled. Richie paid for the tickets and popcorn and Eddie pretended not to notice that Richie had asked him to the movies and then paid for everything. They sat far away from Greta and the girls, near the back of the theatre. Eddie acted like he didn’t like scary movies but in truth he loved them and sure he got really freaked but it felt good, to get scared but still be safe and sound. One of the creatures on screen jumped out and Eddie grabbed the armrest except instead he grabbed Richie’s wrist which had been resting on it. It was Richie’s turn to jump, he turned to Eddie and grinned  
“Scared, Eds?” he whispered, Eddie scowled at him, Richie reached out his hand and Eddie gave him a puzzled look. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze,  
“It’s okay, Eddie, I got you,” he muttered into Eddie’s ear, this was a Richie Tozier that not a lot of people got to see, he didn’t show it often but Richie genuinely cared for people and wanted to protect them, the only people who saw this side of him were Bev, Stan, and Eddie. It came out when Richie made a joke that cut too deep or when Bev was having problems with her home life or when Eddie was overwhelmed or scared. Under all the jokes and voices was a genuinely kind and sweet kid that only wanted the best for his friends and that was Eddie’s favorite thing about him. 

8\. I will not let Richie kiss me on the mouth and I will not kiss him back.

Every second Saturday of the month Stan’s parents went to a meeting of the school book approval committee out of town. Every second Saturday of the month the losers would go over to Stan’s to play Nintendo, drink beer, smoke, and watch movies. Bill and Bev were playing the Street Fighter game, that Richie had brought over the others sat around a table trying to play some kind of poker.  
“It’s really simple once you know the rules,” Ben said, Stan elbowed Richie in the stomach,  
“If only one of the players would stop getting distracted by the TV,” he said, Richie stood up   
“I’m gonna go for a smoke,” he said starting to walk away   
“Why don’t you just smoke down here? Bev is, it’s fine” Stan asked,   
“I need some air, the smell of teenage comaradery is too much to bare” Richie picked up his beer and walked out to the backyard. Eddie pictured him out there, taking long drags off the cigarette and staring up at the sky, smoke curling around his face and fingers. Eddie stood up and dropped his cards,   
“I’m gonna go check on Rich,” he tried to say casually.  
“Okay, cool,” Stan said mixing Eddie’s cards in with the discard pile. Richie was leaning against the wall of the house.  
“Hey Rich,” Eddie said,   
“Hey Eds, want one,” Richie gestured to the cigarettes  
“No thanks, I’m good,” Eddie leaned up against the wall, they stood in silence for a while,  
“Richie are you, Okay?” Eddie asked tentatively,  
“Yeah I just, I don’t know, whenever Stan or Ben try to teach us something new, I just, I don’t know” Richie looked down at the ground  
“It’s okay Rich, you can talk to me,” Eddie bumped his shoulder against Richie’s  
“I feel so fucking dumb, you and the other’s always get stuff so easy and it always takes me a few more trys, it makes me feel so stupid,” Richie looked as though he were looking for an escape, Eddie took his face in his hands   
“Hey, you’re not stupid, you’re really fucking smart, it’s just in a different way,” Eddie said, Richie tried to pull away,  
“That’s what they always say, that I’m smart in my own way, if by in my own way they mean in a stupid way than yeah,”   
“Richie, you are witty and quick, you always know what to say, you are smart,”  
“But all of you are smart in the normal ways, like Bev doesn’t even study and she’s got an A average and Ben knows like everything about architecture and you know all kinds of stuff about medicine, why do you even hang around with me,”   
“Richie, we hang around with you because you are one of us, I don’t care if we have to tell you something a million times, I like having you around,” as Eddie finished speaking Richie leaned down and gently and slowly kissed Eddie on the mouth. Eddie thought he was going to pass out, it was good, so good, Richie’s lips were soft, he had a hand on Eddie’s back and because of their height difference Richie’s curls fell onto Eddie’s face. Richie pulled away,  
“Still like me, Eds?” he asked breathlessly,  
“Yeah, fuck, yeah, I do,” Eddie could barely speak,  
“Okay, that’s good,” Richie smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. 

9\. I will not get caught making out with my best friend in the clubhouse.

Eddie was sitting on the hammock, swinging and kicking his feet, waiting. He watched Richie Tozier climb down the ladder, long legs, slim shoulders and that hair.  
“You’re late,” Eddie said smiling  
“By 5 minutes, don’t have an embolism,” Richie shot back,   
“7 minutes actually,” Eddie corrected, and then they were kissing, Eddie pushed a hand into Richie’s hair, Richie slid a hand up over Eddie’s shirt and a shiver ran up his spine. Eddie gave an experimental pull on Richie’s hair, Richie made a soft sound and stumbled back, his foot caught on a floor board and the two boys fell.  
“Sorry, you okay?” Eddie asked panting   
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Richie leaned up and kissed Eddie again. They stayed on the ground, tangled together, Richie pushed his tongue into Eddie’s mouth, for a second Eddie was disgusted, the slimy texture, the strange feeling, but after his initial reaction, Eddie let his worries go, the sensation was new but it wasn’t bad, it was actually very good.   
“Eddie!?,” a girl’s voice questioned, Eddie shot up and turned to see Bev, her eyes were huge.  
“Richie!?, were, what, I uh,” Beverly turned and quickly climbed out of the clubhouse. Both boys scrambled after her,  
“Bev, Beverly! Come back, it’s um, not how it, God dammit!” Richie called after her, she was leaning against a pine tree lighting a cigarette.   
“Beverly, you can’t tell anyone, they’ll, they’ll, we won’t do well in this, Bev, they might,” Richie choked on his words, Eddie wanted to comfort him but he didn’t want to touch him while Bev was looking at them.  
“I know Rich, I wouldn’t, I won’t, I’ve seen what can happen to uh, guys like you,” she took her pack of cigarettes and offered them to the boys, they both took one, Richie took out his lighter and lit Eddie’s and then his own.   
“I’m sorry I freaked out, I just didn’t expect this,” Beverly said,   
“Bev, you can go if you want, you can go,” Richie’s eyes started to go glassy, Eddie reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“No, you two are my friends, I don’t care who you kiss, you guys are still my friends, you have talked me through some really bad times and I’m not gonna leave you because you two are…” she trailed off and ran over to them wrapping them up into an embrace.  
“Thanks Bev,” Eddie said, leaning into the hug, hand still entwined with Richie’s. 

10\. I will not get into a “lover’s quarrel” with Richie.

There was a new waitress at the diner and Richie was flirting with her. Beverly looked over at Eddie, he stirred up his ice cream and didn’t look at anyone.  
“Wow, R- R- R- Richie, l- laying it on a bit thick, huh,” Bill said when she walked away  
“The only thing I’m laying is her in about 20 minutes,” Richie replied  
“Beep beep Richie,” Eddie said angrily  
“Yeah Richie you don’t even know her name,” Stan said, Eddie climbed over the back of the booth and walked out, glaring at the waitress as he left. Richie wasn’t that far behind him, he stood outside and called to Eddie,  
“Eds come on, it was a joke,” Eddie spun around to face him,  
“Don’t fucking call me Eds, asshole,” he screamed, then he turned and walked away. He could hear Richie running after him, he picked up speed and broke out into a run, he felt Richie grab his arm and tried to shake him off but Richie had an iron grip,  
“I didn’t mean it, about that girl, I just wanted to keep up appearances, ya know,” Richie pleaded  
“You never used to flirt like that before,” Eddie spat,  
“I’m sorry I got carried away,” Richie said,  
“I can’t do this, not with you,”   
“What?” Richie looked hurt and Eddie felt a little guilty but mostly he felt angry  
“This isn’t a joke or a game Richie, not for me, not ever,” Eddie turned away and Richie released his arm,  
“It isn’t for me” Richie said brokenly,  
“Sure, Rich,” Eddie said as he walked away. 

11\. I will not let my best friend wipe my tears away and press a kiss to my lips.

Eddie spent the next few days in his room reading, the losers came around to see if he wanted to hang out and he told them he was grounded for breaking curfew. He was reading a pulp novel that Bev had lent him, when he heard a knock on his window. It was Richie, Eddie opened the window and let him climb inside, then he sat back down on his bed and picked his book up again,  
“Eddie, I” Richie started   
“Don’t, I don’t want to talk to you, I only let you in because I didn’t want you to fall and crack open your skull,”   
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Richie said  
“Ever since this thing started you won’t sit next to me, you’ll barely even talk to me when the others are around, it doesn’t feel right, it feels different, it feels bad, I hate it, I fucking hate it and I don’t, I don’t, don’t,” tears started to run down Eddie’s face, Richie moved towards him,  
“I don’t know what to do, you started it, I thought you wanted this,” Eddie shouted, he was glad his mother was at work or else she would be charging up the stairs like and elephant running from a mouse.  
“I do, I do want this, since we were kids, I want this so much and I’m so scared, do you remember those two guys, they were just holding hands and you saw what happened to them, we got lucky with Bev but I’m so afraid of what could happen, what they could do to you,” Richie wasn’t crying but it looked like he was close to it. Eddie gestured for him to come closer, Richie sat down on the side of the bed,   
“This is fucking awful, It’s fucking terrifying,” Eddie said with a choked voice,  
“Yeah,” Richie sighed  
“I’m sorry, Richie,” Eddie let out a sob.  
“Hey Eds, don’t cry,” Richie turned to face him, cupped his face in his hand and wiped the tears away with his thumb, then he leaned in and quickly kissed Eddie on the mouth.   
“This is so fucked up,” Richie said   
“I think I’m in love with you,” Eddie said. 

12\. I cannot tell my best friend that I love him.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Eddie said,   
“What? Like for real?” Richie asked shocked  
“Yeah, I think since at least freshman year,”  
“Hah, I’ve got you beat, I’ve been in love with you since the 7th grade,”  
“Excuse me, it’s not a competition, Richie,”  
“I know, I’m just saying that if it was I would be winning,” Richie gave him a classic trashmouth grin, Eddie pushed him playfully then grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss, Richie pulled away,  
“Hey Eddie do you mind if I stop a minute to take off my glasses, they always get smudged up if I don’t take them off,” Richie asked, Eddie didn’t answer him, he just took the glasses off Richie’s face and went back to kissing him. Richie kept moving his hands around, into Eddie’s hair, across his back, onto Eddie’s face, he put his hands around Eddie’s hips and pulled him into his lap. Eddie’s hands were planted on either side of Richie’s face as if to keep him in place. Eddie bit Richie’s lip, Richie jumped and they both laughed. Richie slid one hand into the back pocket of Eddie’s jeans. Their faces were flushed and they were breathing hard, Eddie leaned away and rested his forehead on Richie’s,  
“I love you, trashmouth.”  
“I love you too, Eds.”


End file.
